Take A Step

Disappointment is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. When you find someone isn't the person they claim to be. When you make plans and one little thing destroys them. The disappointment can be devastating. You have these expectations built in your head and you think you know but the truth is no one knows what the future holds. No one knows what twist life will throw at you next. It always comes as a surprise and there is no way to be prepared for it. All we can do is accept it and deal with it. Things will always be taken from us but that's okay because things will also be given to us. "God will never take anything away from you without giving you something so much better." There has to be some type of balance. It won't always be what you want or what you are looking for but it will ALWAYS be the thing you need. We are all being looked after and we have to have faith in that. We have to accept something when it is given to us or in the end we will just become bitter and angry. Things change and people change. Holding on to how they used to be won't bring you the future that is awaiting you. So take deep breath. Close your eyes. And take the leap of faith to move forward cause that's the only way to happiness.

Forgiveness

As I was typing up my final for my Marriage and Relationship Skills class I had to decide on one of the most important chapters out of my book. I choose the one on forgiveness. It got me thinking about all the mistakes I have made in my life and all the things I have done wrong to people. It's kind of sad thought, that if I could go back and change things I would. It's always a bit of a slap in the face when you realize just how much you have messed up and there isn't much you can do about it. It is so important to realize that people make mistakes and we can't hold them to them. We are all full of weaknesses. We all make dumb choices. To think that someone doesn't is to live a lie and i'm sorry but your dreams will be crushed. I'm a believer in second chances. If someone asks for forgiveness who am I to deny them that right? I would want the same in return. "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Shouldn't we look at our own sins before others? Yes, we should but we don't because it is easier to face faults in others than it is to face them in ourselves. It's easier to hold a grudge and be angry but grudges hold you in prison. Forgiveness sets the prisoner free. We don't get to be the judge. It's our job to forgive.

"Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." (D&C 64:9-10)

 So here's to all my mistakes. I apologize if I have ever wronged you in any way. I apologize for my stupid choices and for all the times I have and will mess up. I've said it before and will say it again, I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be. I am human. Sometimes the lesser person comes out.

That Moment When...

...you realize you're not the only one trying to be his/her only one.

...you look up and there’s a handsome stranger staring at you,and you get goosebumps all over.

...you look at someone and you HAVE to have them. Whatever it takes.

...you realize you don’t know if your plans are what is best for you anymore.

...you finish a test, and think, “Man, I owned that!” Then you get the test back and see your actual scored.

...you have that “He Knows” sinking feeling.

...you see a picture of food and it looks really good and suddenly you can taste it perfectly and then you really want it.

....you are late to class and are trying to find a parking spot. You find one, only to discover that there is a small car there instead.

...you realize something about someone, and you feel discouraged to associate with them ever again.

...you want to feel bad for yourself.

...that message you expected never came.

...you stay up most of the night thinking of brilliant ideas for tomorrow but when you wake up you can’t remember them.

...the person you miss randomly texts you.

That Awkward Moment When...

...you realize your fly was open the entire time.

...you are introducing someone and get their name wrong.

...you try to exit through a closed door.

...someone you don't want to date asks you out.

...you try to sneak a photo of someone but the flash goes off.

...you confidently say the wrong answer aloud in class.

...you push on the bathroom stall door thinking no one was inside.

...you're singing Happy Birthday but you don't know the name of the person so you just mumble the name part.

...someone walks in while you're changing.

...you're trying to get over someone you never even dated.

...you're in a class where you don't speak to anyone and your teacher says, "Go find a partner."

...you've accidentally sent a text to the friend you were gossiping about.

...unexpected visitors arrive at 11am and you're still in your PJ's.

...you realize you've kept talking after the call dropped out.

...you don't know where to stand to pull your wedgie out without being noticed.

...you don't know if you should hug someone or not.

...you see someone that looks like someone you know, you scream their name and it's not them.

...you're watching a movie and somebody keeps talking.

...everyone glares at you because you forgot to put your phone on silent during a meeting.

...you don't know which arm rest is yours at the cinema.

...someone is doing the dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

...you have to make up an excuse to not hang out with someone because you'd rather chill at home.

...your friends tell your crush how much you talk about him.

...everyone you're texting forgets to text you all at once

...you say "Goodbye!" to someone but you both walk off in the same direction.

It Will Come

Sometimes I wonder why I even try. What is the purpose if all you're ever going to get is failure, shut downs or disappointment? Why put yourself through something like that just to be told no? It gets me so frustrated that no matter what I do the answer is always the same. No matter how hard I try I'm not making progress. I'm stuck in this spot. Just repeating myself over and over again. Living each day the same as the last. And for what? In all honesty I don't know. I just know that at some point things will change and be better. Giving up is not in my vocabulary. Turning back is not the answer. I have to remind myself that this is just a storm. Things will end and a rainbow will shine. It's all an illusion that I have fooled myself into believing. People are the best liars to themselves. Regardless of what I feel or think I am making progress. Everyday I get closer to my goal and it's worth it. It's hard but I have faith I'll get there. I don't know what my future holds and where I'll end up but I do know it will be good. Every tear, every painful moment will not have gone to waste.

Broken Things To Mend

In Nazareth, the narrow road,

That tires the feet and steals the breath,

Passes the place where once abode

The Carpenter of Nazareth.

And up and down the dusty way

The village folk would often wend;

And on the bench, beside Him, lay

Their broken things for Him to mend.

The maiden with the doll she broke,

The woman with the broken chair,

The man with broken plough, or yoke,

Said, “Can you mend it, Carpenter?”

And each received the thing he sought,

In yoke, or plough, or chair, or doll;

The broken thing which each had brought

Returned again a perfect whole.

So, up the hill the long years through,

With heavy step and wistful eye,

The burdened souls their way pursue,

Uttering each the plaintive cry:

“O Carpenter of Nazareth,

This heart, that’s broken past repair,

This life, that’s shattered nigh to death,

Oh, can You mend them, Carpenter?”

And by His kind and ready hand,

His own sweet life is woven through

Our broken lives, until they stand

A New Creation—“all things new.”

“The shattered [substance] of [the] heart,

Desire, ambition, hope, and faith,

Mould Thou into the perfect part,

O, Carpenter of Nazareth!”

Brothers and sisters, whatever your distress, please don’t give up and please don’t yield to fear. I have always been touched that as his son was departing for his mission to England, Brother Bryant S. Hinckley gave young Gordon a farewell embrace and then slipped him a handwritten note with just five words taken from the fifth chapter of Mark: “Be not afraid, only believe.” I think also of that night when Christ rushed to the aid of His frightened disciples, walking as He did on the water to get to them, calling out, “It is I; be not afraid.” Peter exclaimed, “Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.” Christ’s answer to him was as it always is every time: “Come,” He said. Instantly, as was his nature, Peter sprang over the vessel’s side and into the troubled waters. While his eyes were fixed upon the Lord, the wind could toss his hair and the spray could drench his robes, but all was well—he was coming to Christ. It was only when his faith wavered and fear took control, only when he removed his glance from the Master to look at the furious waves and the ominous black gulf beneath, only then did he begin to sink into the sea. In newer terror he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Undoubtedly with some sadness, the Master over every problem and fear, He who is the solution to every discouragement and disappointment, stretched out His hand and grasped the drowning disciple with the gentle rebuke, “O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened. If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.


I just love Elder Holland. You can tell he truly cares so much for everyone. Such a beautiful talk. Seriously. Everyone should hear it. If you want to read/listen to the whole talk click here :)

"Drowning"

           Do you ever feel invisible? Like you are stuck underwater screaming, trying to get someones attention but they just can't hear you? Your screams are muted. They are being muffled by the gallons of water you are being forced to swallow. And it hurts. You feel like there is no getting out. The water is consuming you. It's become the stronger power. Taken over. You want to give in. Just give up. Anything to make it come to an end. But through that water comes a hand. It reaches towards you and latches on to your arm. It feels so strong as it pulls you to the surface of the water. You can suddenly breathe again. It's all over.

           I think a lot of people feel this way at some point. They go through some form or "drowning." We get stuck under the pressures of life. It mutes are screams and takes over. It becomes the water that we want to get out of. Or maybe this water is something else. It's different for everyone. But one fact stands true. It suffocates you. It tears you down to the point where giving up seems like the better choice. It leaves you feeling alone. Invisible. And all you want is for someone to hear your screams. 

           I believe that there is always someone that can hear your screams and will reach through the water to pull you out. Someone who notices you when you feel no one else does. Whether it's a friend, family member, teacher, co-worker, or even an angel. It's not always who you want but it's someone. We will never be left to "drown." We just have to hold on a little longer. Wait for that hand to help pull us out.

BUT on top of that, we need to be that hand for someone else. Be the answer to someones prayer.

Just One Day

It's amazing how different  each day is. You may do the same thing over and over again but it's different somehow. Some days are great. Those days you catch yourself smiling and you have no idea why. Other days...well other days just plain suck. Sometimes crap just happens and it piles up. Or you're just down. You don't know why. You just are. These days are the hardest to live. It's hard to see clearly what you want and why you are doing the things you are doing. For me, I sit and question EVERYTHING. Am I truly making the right decisions? Do I really know what's best for me? What is it that i'm missing? Then  I stop myself. I realize i'm doing what I do best. Over thinking. Over analyzing. I'm making things hard when they are simple. Life is simple. It's beautiful. It's only dark and scary if you let it be that way. It all has to do with your attitude. They way you choose to view things. There is good in every day. Look for it. I'm not saying it's wrong to feel down and have bad days. That's part of being human. Everyone goes through it. I'm saying don't forget about the good days. Everyday comes to an end. Every moment has an ending. So maybe today sucks. Maybe crap is happening but it's never the end. It's just one day out of thousands. So smile. Give someone a hug. Remember you are loved and no storm lasts forever.

Waiting

We live in a time where we want things instantly. 

We are so used to getting things as soon as we want them. 

With cars, planes, the internet, etc. things are literally at our finger tips. 

If our browser takes longer then 5 seconds to load we get impatient. 

Our lives are constantly on the go that we have forgotten how to wait for anything. 

To slow down and experience, enjoy, embrace every moment. 

To live today without thinking about tomorrow. 

All good things come in time. 

Not now. 

Not in an hour. 

In time. 

Waiting, especially for me, is one of the hardest things to do. 

I want things now. 

I want to go places tomorrow. 

But that's not how things work. 

We don't have our own watch. We are on the Lord's time. 

He knows when and how we need things. 

Trusting that is so difficult. 

A challenge. 

A test in it's self. 

I hate waiting but I know it's right. 

Too often I have wanted things and not gotten them when I wanted or thought was ready 

but if I would have received them then I would be missing out on so many blessings. 

Waiting is always worth it. 

So enjoy where you are and wait with excitement for your true blessings to arrive.

Make It Matter

At the end of my life it won't matter if I was at the "party of the year" or how many friends I made.

 It'll matter if I was there for someone who needed me. 

If I was the best friend I could be for the friends I already have. 

It won't matter if I was prom queen or how many trophies I won. 

It'll matter that I did my best and made an effort. 

Having the best dress and most money won't matter. 

Dressing modestly and staying out of debt will.

It won't matter if people think I'm weird and different. 

It'll matter that I accepted myself and loved me for me. 

At the end of my life it won't matter how big my house was or what car I drove. 

It'll be what I did in my house and where I went in my car that will. 

Life isn't just one big party and competition to have the best things the world can offer you. 

For me, It's finding joy in everything. 

Living a life you can be proud about.

One you can look back on and say, "Dang, I did good. I lived a good life. God would be proud" 

It's being happy with yourself. 

Loving and caring for people. 

Even when they don't care back.

Keeping your values and standards. 

Reaching that ultimate goal. (Heaven)

Life is laughing when your happy and crying when your sad.

It's pushing yourself past where you thought you couldn't go.

It's feeling and not running or hiding from those feelings.

It's being honest to yourself and everyone around you.

We need to live life. Not party through it.

Don't get me wrong. Parting is fun. It's the best.

But it's not the only thing in life.

We need to make our life matter. 

Don't get so caught up in the way the world portrays life.

Find a purpose for living and live.

Enjoy it because you only get one chance.

Make it count.

I Want A Boy Who...

When it comes to love i'm basically hopeless. I want something that is almost impossible, naive and from a whole different world. I want true love. I crave it. I know it exists because I have seen it. I see it everyday. All around me. And I want it. I want a boy who will hold me at anytime. Someone who will call me just to hear my voice. A boy who will bet kisses that he can beat me at video games then let me win. I want a boy who wants to spend time with me. Every second he can. Someone that will drop what he is doing just to come to me. I want a boy who treats his mother with respect, his father as his role model and siblings as his best friends. I want a boy that wants me and will do whatever it takes to have me. Someone who will not easily forget me or give up. I want a boy that will notice my mistakes, forgive them and love me for them. Someone who will be honest with me. When i'm doing something wrong he'll show me how to do it right. This boy will stand up randomly and shout to the world, "see this girl here? She's mine. Be jealous." I want a boy that will hug me just to remind himself that i'm real. Someone who will talk to me and trust me. A boy that will surprise me with little things just because. Someone who will make stupid jokes just to hear my laugh. A boy that will be my best friend and loves me for me. I want a boy that loves me with all he has. Maybe wanting all this is selfish and immature of me. Maybe it's unrealistic and i'm shooting too high but for me, it's worth it. It's worth any wait. And wait I will. In the meantime I will become the best girl I can be for this special boy. I will be my best self.  So I can love him the way I want to be loved.

Mistakes

Ever wish you could go back in time and change a moment in your life? Fix that one mistake that would make everything different? Pick a different boy? Say something different? Choose a different path?We all have these times. It's not bad to have regrets. It's just bad to dwell on them. To let them take you over. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do about. So stop trying. The only thing you can do is to learn from it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Accept the lesson and move on. You can't go through life without making mistakes. It's part of being human. It's necessary for  our growth and learning. It shapes who we are. So make mistakes. Laugh about them and live. Don't judge others by their mistake either. It doesn't matter how strong a person is they are still vulnerable. Everyone is. Some people are just better at putting on a face or putting up a wall. They are just as human as you or me. They are trying to grow and move on just like you. You don't want them to hold your mistakes to you so why hold theirs to them? Every day is a new day. Make the best of it. You are the only one that can mold your future to the way you want it. This is your life. Your time. So live it.

Take A Second

Sometimes it takes losing something to realize that's what you wanted all along.

 Sometimes you just don't know what you truly have in your life. 

We get so caught up with what we don't have, we forget to see what we do have. 

We take so much for granted and it's not until we lose or go without these things

 that we realize we have so much. 

We are so blessed and yet we want more. 

If things aren't congruent with how we want them to play out we get discouraged. 

We need to realize that not everything will go according to plan. 

Stop having such high expectations. 

Take some risk and get ready to fall.

We don't get everything we want. 

But I do believe we are blessed with everything we need. 

Stop taking things for granted. 

Open your eyes and see what you have. 

Learn to appreciate things before they are missed.  

Somethings you can't get back. 

Give Thanks

I feel like I haven't been very grateful lately. So many people have done so much for me and I don't know if I have properly showed my gratitude towards them. Especially Christ. I get so caught up in the world and the way things are that I forget to say thank you. It feels so wrong, to me, to not express my gratitude. I wouldn't be where I am without everyone that has every been apart of my life. So I want to say thank you.


First, thank you to my parents. You have raised me to be the girl that I am. You have taught me what is right and wrong. You raised me to know of Christ and the love he gives. You showed me how to love simply by loving me with all your heart. You, by example, have showed me how I want my life to be. I can't think of a more service oriented people than you. From day one you have been my ultimate heros. How blessed I am to call you my parents. You are what I need in life. So thank you. Thank you for being the best parents anyone could ask for.

Thank you to my siblings. All families have their problems and i'm not excluding ours but, I feel, we have one of the strongest families. I love how close we are. You all have showed me nothing but love and kindness regardless of how I have treated you. You have strengthened me in ways you could never dream of. Yeah, we fight sometimes but that has only taught me how to handle stress and forgive others. I thank God everyday for putting me in such a wonderful family. Thank you.

Thank you to Courtney Johnson. My best friend. You and I have been through so much together and yet no fights! Yay! You have been there whenever I needed it. You have sat and listened to me complain, laugh and just be straight up weird. And yet, you still love me. You don't judge me. I can't ask for a better best friend. I love our relationship and wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Thank you for always supporting me and listening. I don't know what I would have done without you. We will forever be best friends. Thank you.

Thank you to all my "little sisters." (Kaela Marrott, Jenna Jarvis, Caitlyn Moffit, and Courtney Moffit) Oh, I have loved growing up with you girls. You are wonderful people! And though you are younger than me, I still look up to you in so many ways. You have showed me how to be strong when everything else is falling a part. I love that I can talk to you girls about anything and everything and you give me your opinion. You guys are always there for me. I love that you guys come to me and call me your sister. Thank you so much for the love you give me. Thank you.

Thank you to one of my second mothers. (Michelle Marrott) What a wonderful women you are. Thank you for always loving me and letting me into your house. I love that I can come to you at anytime and you will sit and talk with me. You make me see life in such a bright way. You are one of the strongest people I know. I love how much we can relate. You make me feel like apart of your family. Thank you.

Thank you Stephanie Turpin. You are such an inspirational person and I look up to you a lot. You have always been my closest and favorite cousin. I love when people tell me I look like you! You are so strong and independent. I want to be like that. I love that you feel at home at my house and you come over often. I love our "gossip time." I love that I can and do call you whenever I need and you will sit and try to help me out. You're just so positive and on tune with the spirit. Thank you.

Thank you to all my friends. Each one of you. I can't even explain all that you have done for me. You all make up my past and have given me memories that I cherish above all. Friends really are Gods way of taking care of us. I wouldn't want to live my life without any of you. There is a reason, for each of you, that you are in my life. Thank you for letting me be apart of your life. You all make me want to be the best person I can be. Thank you.

And most important, thank you Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Thank you so much for giving me all these people. Thank you for never leaving me. Thank you for caring and letting me grow. Thank you for leading me though life. Thank you for every second chance. Thank you for loving me in a way I will never truly understand. Thank you for dying for me and giving me all the opportunities in life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

"If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues. Someone has said that “gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others. ~President Thomas S. Monson 

“When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives.”    ~President Gordon B. Hinckley